Aftershock
by FinalAvenue
Summary: An episode tag to 'Charge of this post'. A look at Lindsay's point of view after the explosion and its affect on her.


Detective Lindsay Monroe could honestly say she had never seen any bombings in Montana. As she stood surveying the remains of the building and the debris that littered the street, the sick feeling settled in the pit of her stomach worsened. The vibrant street of only an hour ago was replaced with what looked like a war zone. Sirens and emergency vehicles surrounded them, people dressed in uniforms moved purposely- moving survivors away from the debris and preparing to begin rescue efforts for those trapped in the wreckage. People like Don or Mac.

Lindsay watched as her friends, Detectives Danny Messer and Stella Bonasera worked to bring some order to the situation. She had reassured both that she was all right, her blow to the head continued to throb but she had only lost consciousness for maybe a couple seconds. Not that she provided them with that information. Once they were sure Lindsay was okay, they had moved on to worrying about their colleagues trapped inside the building. She looked to the cell phone still clutched in her hand desperately hoping Mac would call. As she leaned against a squad car, trying to stop her legs from trembling Lindsay tried not to think about the fact that it could have been her inside that building.

***

_"Lindsay get everyone away from the building, we have a bomb! Get everyone away from the building!" Mac's voice was urgent and raised, much different from his usual cool tone. It automatically informed her that something critical was going on. Lindsay took a deep breath and helplessly looked around to all the people milling about on the street unaware they were in danger. _

_"NYPD, EVERYONE GET BACK! RUN DOWN THE STREET! NYPD, DOWN THE STREET!" Lindsay yelled, flashing her badge and trying to get people to move away. Screams erupted around her as the people realized she was for real and not some hoax. As the mass of people moved down the street like a crashing wave, she stopped to look at the building. The utter quiet was eerie and suddenly Lindsay had a very bad feeling. For the first time she began to worry about Mac and Don inside the building, she had been so focused on getting people away she never thought of her colleagues. Seconds later a wave of energy hit her, knocking her to the ground hard and causing her to cover her head as debris rained down upon her. _

_***_

Yelling voices brought her back to the scene, noise deafening her as her mind was brought back to the present. In the distance, Lindsay watched as Stella talked to a woman she did not recognize. From the look of woman's inappropriate dress for the situation, Lindsay guessed she was a government official just arrived at the scene. After a few minutes of conversation, the woman left and Stella once again began doling out orders to persons not already doing a job. Lindsay was mesmerised with the scene unfolding around her and it seemed to swallow her, the activity and sounds causing her head to spin slightly. Feeling a little light headed, she reached out to balance herself on the car. A steadying hand touched her shoulder, jolting Lindsay out of the cloud that seemed to be overtaking her.

"Lindsay, you sure you're okay?" Stella asked concerned, seeing the glazed over look in her friends gaze and the white-knuckle grip on the mirror of the squad car. Her normally tanned features were pale.

"Yeah...yeah I'm fine Stella," Lindsay replied with what she hoped was a reassuring smile. The older woman's eyes scrutinized her for a moment, Lindsay knowing Stella's green eyes could pierce the facade she was putting forth. Seeing that her colleague was not convinced, Lindsay lifted her hand off the car hoping to reinforce that she was ok; that it was just adrenaline surging through her system. "See, I am fine Stella," Lindsay added, pitching forward slightly despite her best efforts. Stella steadied her with both hands.

"No... You're not," Stella stated authoritively, lightly gripping her arm and pulling her towards the triage area being set up. "You are getting looked at," her friend added with a warning look, indicating it was not up for discussion. Lindsay reluctantly followed, Stella's grip on her arm not releasing until they were standing in front of an ambulance. The older woman indicated for her to sit. Sighing, Lindsay rested herself on the end of the ambulance.

"I don't need to be checked out Stella," Lindsay repeated, annoyance edging into her voice. She hated feeling like she was weak, taking up Stella's valuable time that could be spent focusing on finding their missing friends. Lindsay had been fighting that feeling since arriving in New York, from the first day. Everyone felt the need to protect her, which irritated her. Just because she was not from the big city, did not mean she was not capable of taking care of herself. Lindsay felt like she always had to prove she was strong, eager and able to do things independently.

"I can't be worrying about you too. Get checked out, I will be back in a few minutes," Stella instructed, rubbing a hand through her hair tiredly. For a second Lindsay sees the worry that is behind her friend's well-placed mask and she understands. Two of their friends were missing; Stella's need to make sure she was okay was not because she felt Lindsay was weak but because she did not want to risk losing anyone else.

"Okay," Lindsay replied simply, giving a small smile. Stella nodded appreciatively, squeezing her shoulder before she left. Lindsay guiltily realized she might have to watch that chip on her shoulder, watching Stella return to the command center being erected. Lindsay sees Danny in the distance, speaking with another NYPD member and waiting for Stella. Spying Lindsay sitting on the edge of the ambulance, Danny gives her a quick encouraging smile before returning his attention to Stella. Lindsay sees the same worried expression mirrored on his face.

The paramedic began asking her questions, drawing her attention away from the circus surrounding them. Questions that Lindsay found absurd but he assured her were important. Name, place, time; questions to determine how coherent she was. The paramedic performed a variety of tests on her, proclaiming that other than elevated pulse and blood pressure due to the event, she was okay. Promising to return in a moment to clean her head laceration, Lindsay once again looked on to the chaos around her. Spotting Stella walking towards her, she smiled ready to declare her good health.

"Feeling better?" Stella asked, noting that already her friend looked much better. Her colour was returning and the glazed look had disappeared. The shock of the experience was wearing off.

"Yes. The paramedic just has to clean this and I'm good to go," Lindsay indicated to her forehead laceration, feeling along the edges before wincing slightly at the touch. "Any word?" she asked hopefully, knowing the answer before Stella replied. Her shadowed look gave it away. A quick shake of her head followed, with a short pause. Lindsay knew that anything involving Mac affected Stella significantly. Their relationship was special and he was her family. As much as the two of them denied it was anything other than professional, everyone around them could see even if they were not romantically involved they held a deep, unique bond with one another. Any time that bond was in jeopardy the effects could be seen.

"Not yet. They have just begun looking though, we'll find them Linds," Stella affirmed, mentally adding that they had too. She was not losing either of them, not if Stella Bonasera had anything to do with it. Lindsay nodded, looking to the ground for a moment. Seeing Lindsay's guilt, Stella sat down beside her friend.

"Lindsay it is not your fault you were outside that building when it blew. You were doing your job and they were doing theirs. It was that bastard that put the bomb there," Stella stated forcefully. Lindsay looked to her, nodding her head once again. Stella could see she was not totally convinced. The paramedic returned with supplies in hand to clean her wound. Stella stood, nervously rubbing her hands together.

"Thanks," Lindsay stated quietly, Stella smiling slightly despite the circumstances, wanting Lindsay to know this was not her fault. The young woman was a great criminalist and needed to trust her own instincts more.

"Anytime Kiddo," Stella replied with a sad smile before putting her professionalism firmly back in place. It was a mask that Stella had to glue into place during these times. When a crisis involved one of your own, the mask became more important and harder to maintain. Years of experience had taught Stella that it allowed her to continue to be effective in the situation. The one thing she could not afford was to be unable to help and keeping those feelings at bay for the moment helped her accomplish that. "Once you're fixed up, find me," Stella ordered before leaving and disappeared into the mass of people.

The paramedic finished and Lindsay once again surveyed the scene. Chaos has been brought to some sort of order. In the background, Stella's voice could be heard yelling instructions and Lindsay knew that she would not give up until they were found. Taking a steadying breath, Lindsay pushed away her guilt and fear knowing it was not helpful. _She_ was a detective, a CSI and she was going to help find her friends.

Lindsay stepped out into the mass of people, subtly feeling the weight of her badge that hung on her hip. It gave her strength, it stood for everything she believed and she would use that resolve to find her friends. Walking purposely towards the command center, she passed many other emergency personnel sharing with them the same look of determination.

The determination to succeed.


End file.
